maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
