Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
