Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
