I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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