he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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