I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That accounts for only three of the penises
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
