The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am naked and annoyed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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