He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
