He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
