Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
