WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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