Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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