I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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