Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
