do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can you repeat that, but with context?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
