giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
