I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
