But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
