He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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