Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
