i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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