I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
