Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
