I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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