i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
