if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
