I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
