She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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