You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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