I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
