I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
vagina is talking i cant
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
