I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I cannot find my penis.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
