Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
