i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
