stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
