Plan B is the new Plan A
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
