It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
