I wish I could teleport
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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