so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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