worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
