I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
