Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize