I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
