I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
