please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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