I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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