hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
