Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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