guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
