this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
