I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
