A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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