So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
