I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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