I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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