A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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