She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
