My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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