I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
