Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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