In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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