You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
