you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
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I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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