Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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