apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
