Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
