I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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