Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
