Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
