Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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