it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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