No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
