this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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