your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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