i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
