It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think I have vodka in my lungs
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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