My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
