I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
