I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
