there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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