i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
