i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
