its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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