As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
