I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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