I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
