Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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