What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize