Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
