Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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