Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
