So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
