Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
